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May 2008

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May. 5th, 2008

fuellingfire

Image really is everything.

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Panel One: Eve walks through a door while carrying a cube labeled "soda" under one arm. Manny stands to the right of the door, holding a sack with a loaf of french bread sticking out of it. Apparently they have moved from out of doors to indoors, as the left side of the door has squiggle M-shapes against the otherwise featureless background, while the right side of the door lacks them. We know the sack contains groceries because the only thing more grocery like than a loaf of french bread is a stick of celery. It's short hand for groceries.

Panel Two: Eve sure had a great time today! She just can't stop talking about it! Man, this strip sure uses tight writing and fantastic art to get across ideas! It's hard to tell where their pupils are on their eyeballs with this new style of art.

Panel Three: Eve reveals that as a result of totally changing her appearance she can now no longer go to the grocery store without receiving a great deal of sexually-based attention. The memory of this attention causes her waist to shrink and her breasts to heave and swell. She tells her husband that she plans on going forth to receive more of this sexual attention, obviously craving it. He reacts (typically) in anger and swears at her.

Panel Four: He reveals that he isn't jealous of the attentions showed to her. No, he simply had other plans. He intends to run around outside shirtless, perhaps in the desperate hope that a plastic surgeon will see him and take pity on the grotesquery taking place on his torso, and perform some kind of corrective surgery at a free or reduced rate. Manny, with his 8-pack abs, wife-beater hiked up to his nipples, spiked hair, and earlobes that look like Coach Kaz's earrings, looks like he'd be very at home on Castro Street here.

May. 4th, 2008

fuellingfire

Don't break your arm patting yourself on the back.

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Panel One: Apparently Karen Montague-Reyes has invested in a mirror and now can portray basic hand movements. Her characters break the fourth wall talking about how hot they are, when in reality they look like they were drawn by high school students during math class.

Panel Two: We are commanded to "look at their furniture" but all that's shown is the back of their ridiculously over sized couch and, as usual, the vast featureless wall behind them.

Panel Three: Isaac shows up, out of his "fluff boy" costume. He has removed his shower cap to reveal hair, possibly 'locs. Eve fondles his stomach. Isaac shows off his far-too-long, ape-like arms and claims "Carlos" (his husband, I think) "will be pleased."

Panel Four: Blah blah more fourth wall breaking, handled ineptly. Blah blah, wall of text. Isaac towers over everyone else. I bet he plays basketball! LOL! I mean, he's BLACK, right? He's got enormous lips, just like a black man, right?

Panel Five: Blah blah talking heads, blah blah fourth wall, blah blah insulting the creator.

Panel Six: I think the main difference between the "old" and "new" "art" is that Montague-Reyes is using a finer pen. That's... not a huge difference. Also, once again, she's ripping off the hand-on-boob-dismay-gesture from FBOFW.

Once again, she's wasted the space and color of a Sunday strip to have a bunch of people standing around a blank space, talking. The fact that they're talking about how great they are is really... disgusting. This is bad webcomics level, people. This is THE WOMB bad, people.

May. 3rd, 2008

fuellingfire

Worst "big reveal" in the history of big reveals.

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Adding ziptone does not excuse a basic lack of knowledge of human anatomy.

I can't believe it took four years for any sort of advancement in art style.
Tags: ,

May. 2nd, 2008

fuellingfire

Screaming and bad manners resolves all issues.

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Oh, look! Another Seth strip! I can't wait to hear about how fucking terrible Autism is, in every possible way.

Panel One: Wow, that's a lot of black. It must be really hard on them, having a child who is both autistic AND a primordial dwarf. Manny is angry that a woman is staring at Seth. Wow. I have no idea why someone would be interested in a kid wearing a helmet. Quick! React with rage!

Panel Two: As usual, Eve reacts to any perceived slight with a quivering tower of rage. She squeezes her eyes closed and begins screaming. Seth's head is... incredibly deformed.

Panel Three: Eve passive aggressives the woman with a dotted-line stare.

Panel Four: Realizing her rudeness, the woman looks away.

Panel Five: Eve is yelling at another passerby, Manny making light of the situation. Man, I'm really glad that two people with anger management issues had five kids! Also, in case you forgot, Autism is the most horrible thing ever and people stare ALL THE TIME and it's entirely the fault of Autism and not because Eve and Manny are total douchebags.

I don't think I've ever seen a positive strip with Seth in it, unless he's part of the general herd o'kids. That's really depressing. Remember, parents: if your kid has autism, you might as well kill yourself, because life just is not worth living.

May. 1st, 2008

fuellingfire

Eve is all talk.

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Panel One: Blah blah politics blah Eve is a Democrat.

Panel Two: Aw, gee, poor Florida! It sure does get shafted a lot! Oh, wait, except didn't Democratic candidates lose the election twice in a row because voters in Florida couldn't figure out how to fill out a ballot? Yeah, ok, I don't think it's Florida getting shafted. Also: Karen Montague-Reyes? You are NOT Gary Trudeau. His art is better than yours and he's more educated, informed, and interesting than you are.

Panel Three: This is how I feel exactly. If you don't get your way precisely, give up. If things don't go exactly the way you want them to, don't bother even trying. I guess Eve will never be politically active again. Which is good, because her main source of "political activism" is "sitting around in her living room bitching" and now I don't have to hear that anymore.

Panel Four: Manny, how fucking DARE you bring up things that Eve has done! Don't you know that she is always right and you are nothing more than a strawman for her to outwit? Asshole.

I think it's totally cute that they have arguments like this while Eve is sitting on Manny's lap, though. Although it's a little creepy that he's reading a newspaper instead of looking at her.

Apr. 30th, 2008

fuellingfire

Guess what? Eve's judgemental; her sister is stupid.

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Panel One: Eve and Hannah talk on the phone, earpieces mashed into their faces. Hannah is engaged "again," either to a new person than the one she was engaged to before or else to a person she was formerly engaged to but with whom she broke things off. It is revealed that Eve and Manny have been together "[their] entire adult life" which really explains a lot about them and their relationship.

Panel Two: Hannah previously knew how to hold a phone to her head. She has apparently lost this ability. She reminds us/reveals that she got pregnant as a teenager and had a serious of crap relationships before meeting "Joe," the dude who is NOT the father of Sofie's child. Joe either cheated on her with Sofie or else was dating/involved with Sofie and Hannah "stole" him. I would venture to guess that she's not yet finished with her crap relationships.

Panel Three: Eve seriously doesn't know how to hold a phone. That just looks fucking uncomfortable. I have a can of coke next to me and I just picked it up and tried to hold it the way Eve's holding that phone and it's almost impossible. Maybe we could all chip in and buy Karen Montague-Reyes a mirror so that she could stand in front of it and pose and then draw things that approach reality. Also Eve thinks her sister sucks and has no hesitations about insulting her life and life choices.

Panel Four: Hannah is going to murder Eve, but is very polite and knocks instead of just walking in.

Apr. 29th, 2008

fuellingfire

Women who aren't thin are worthless

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Panel One: Eve holds Sofie's itty bitty new born baby upright without supporting his head or neck, and asks Sofie how things are going. The baby is either wearing lipstick, or else has enormous dark lips because all black people have enormous dark lips, like clowns. Sofie, a single mother who apparently has no support network, says that her life sucks and babies are hard.

Panel Two: Eve lets the itty bitty new born baby slump forward like a sack of custard and puts a v-shaped lobster claw of a hand on Sofie's shoulder. She once again presses Sofie about her babydady, then quickly turns the subject to Sofie's physical appearance. She looks good! Her life can't be ALL bad!

Panel Three: OH MY GOD! When you get pregnant and have a baby, YOUR BODY CHANGES! What the FUCK man! Sofie is a hideous monster beneath her shirt and thus her life is basically over. This is, what, the third strip in a row about how horrible it is to be a fat woman? Is this story line going to go on much longer?

Panel Four: It's almost painful that Eve thinks someone else is crazy, especially over body issues, which is one of Eve's big fears.

I highly suggest that all women check out The Shape of a Mother for reassurance that body change is normal and won't turn you into a de-gendered pariah who never has sex ever again.

Apr. 28th, 2008

fuellingfire

Eve is too fat for her clothing.

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Panel One: Eve is eating a sandwich, her deformed arms propped on the table, as Manny walks behind her. He also has deformed arms. Look at his right arm. If that fucker was straightened out, it would hang to his knees. I think he might be part orangutan. He also is apparently wearing an asymmetrical shirt which buttons down the left side of his body instead of the middle of the body, at least judging by the collar. Eve, on the other hand, is wearing her go-to outfit of black slacks and mesh shirt.

Panel Two: Ok, you got me. I love the expression Eve is making. Seriously.

Panel Three: Eve stands and fondles her ass, her gut hanging out beneath her shirt, proclaiming her hatred for those pants. Well, at least she's blaming the pants and not her body, I guess.

Apr. 27th, 2008

fuellingfire

pro-ana

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Man! Thank GOD Karen Montague-Reyes is here to remind us that fat women are ugly and undesirable! If I had only Cathy and For Better Or For Worse to constantly remind me of this, I might forget it! WHEW! I'm gonna go put my burqa on so as not to inadvertently be fat at anyone.

Apr. 26th, 2008

fuellingfire

Women need constant validation


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Panel One: I tried to hold my hand like Manny is and almost broke my wrist. Then I held my hand like I was looking at a watch. The two motions are completely different. Eve, meanwhile, slouches in from stage right. Her upper lip apparently begins directly under her nostrils. I'm very glad I don't have to kiss her, as her lips probably taste boogery. Eve begins quizzing her husband on her physical appearance.

Panel Two: Eve continues to quiz Manny as to her appearance. His eyes bulge out toadlike as he answers.

Panel Three: Eve continues the line of questioning, her arms folded angrily. She has to know she looks good, or she can't leave the house! Manny's head shrinks under her barrage of questions.

Panel Four: Eve's face convulses in a rictus of ugly as she castigates her husband for not tossing her spontaneous compliments. As he has all the emotional depth of a puddle, I'm surprised she expects anything of him other than a paycheck. He glances at her sideways and calls her crazy, which is true.

Panel Five: LOL! Man! It's a punchline! Who saw that coming? Women, they so crazy! And constantly need reassurances (from men) that they are desirable! I'm gonna clip this out and put it on the fridge!!!!! Can I get a coffee mug with this on it? AAAAAACK!

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